Kind of a desperate situation

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Kind of a desperate situation

Post by Corannhena on Wed May 25, 2016 7:19 am

Originally posted on Tumblr, with some edits here.

So, we are in a pretty desperate situation right now.  We have a court order to move out of the house no later than May 31, and we still haven’t been able to find a place to live.  The main problem is our dog–she’s part German shepherd and most places have breed restrictions (although I found a website that lists places that don’t, but I found it yesterday, so even if we find something there there's no guarantee they'll even have anything available, let alone us being able to actually GET the apartment and move in in six days).  We also don’t have the money to hire a moving company, which we NEED to do as we’ve got a lot of stuff, and we forfeit everything left inside the house when we do leave.  Mom says that nobody has offered to help, but I’m not sure if she’s actually ASKED for help.  I’ve packed up most of my stuff but there are some totes in my room that are too heavy for me to carry downstairs (note: I think I've solved this problem by emptying out half of each tote, carrying said tote downstairs, then putting the stuff back in again), plus my furniture.  We also have a cat, and I’m not certain what we’d do with him if we can’t find a place and be able to move in within the week.  (He’s an indoor-only cat, and I don’t know if we can afford a kennel.)  Mom has a friend who told her she and I could stay with her, but said friend is super-Christian and I’m not sure how she’d react if she found out my beliefs (even if I didn’t tell her, Mom might, and I never take my Loki runes necklace off).  I messaged my dad on Facebook asking if I might be able to stay there for a while, but he hasn’t replied, although he’s seen the message.  If anyone has ANY suggestions please reply.  Mom was thinking about starting a GoFundMe but I’m not certain there’s enough time (especially since I went on their site and apparently withdrawals take five to seven days, and we don't have THAT much time, let alone enough to actually GET something and then withdraw), or if anyone would contribute to it.

edit: Tried setting up a GoFundMe page myself and only at the end found out that in order to withdraw anything you need to have a verification code sent to your cell phone. And... I don't have a cell phone right now :/ So I had to delete the campaign. :/
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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by kellic2016 on Thu May 26, 2016 2:43 am

I just read this and am so sorry you're in this scary situation! If it was just you, I'd take you in as a roommate. I live in Battle Ground, Washington and have a spare room. But you want to stay with your mom right? I also couldn't take in any more pets because the landlady's rules are strict about that here. I can have my one cat and that's it. I've always wanted another Lokean roommate though! If you get stuck with your mom's Christian friend, I'd just say the necklace is from a computer game like magic the Gathering or something, lol. I hope your dad responds. I can't believe someone else hasn't responded to this already. One of my co workers is going through this now with his wife. They've been kicked out of their apartment and are now living in a motel that they are running out of money to afford.

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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by Corannhena on Thu May 26, 2016 4:54 am

My brother responded to my FB messages and told me Dad said I could "absolutely" stay with them. He (brother) said he was going to call my mom earlier and give her some options, but neither he nor Mom have told me what they were. I actually really don't want to live with my mom anymore--she's very toxic (seriously, it's AMAZING how she can make my mood absolutely plummet) and Loki spelled once that I 'fear' her, and I realised he was right. I got the feeling the other day that Loki's been trying to help free me (for lack of a better term) from her, and he confirmed I was right, plus in a tarot reading I did for myself the other day I pulled (in this order) Five of Cups, Eight of Swords, and Four of Swords, which I suspected all represented me and the former two my current situation, and which Loki also confirmed. The problem is that I get either SSI or SSD (I forget which) which she controls and uses for rent/bills/etc, and which I haven't seen a penny of in about a year and a half. Legally, though, it's my money, but she has major depression and doesn't work, so it's our only income.
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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by bsa on Thu May 26, 2016 9:08 am

If you are old enough, head out on your own, as communications are being restricted, call your father and brother yourself, don't rely on anyone else, confirm things yourself and look to your own welfare, your mothers old enough to look after herself. As for too much stuff, get rid of what you don't wear regularly and don't use, declutter, make your own choices, also make sure any money being paid out goes to you directly, not your mother, talk to people face to face or use a telephone, don't rely on Facebook or internet, go call your father and brother and sort out what you, yourself, as an individual are doing, leave your mother to sort her own arrangements, sounds tough but you don't have time to be sentimental, just a thought,

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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by Guest on Thu May 26, 2016 1:33 pm

I'm so glad you can stay with your dad! My stepmom is controlling like that and has the same effect on me. So glad I didn't have to live with her past my early 20s. My stepbrother used to take off from home for days because of her while we were still kids and living with her. I"m really relieved you found a place where you can have safety and peace of mind.

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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by Just.Christine on Thu May 26, 2016 4:33 pm

I asked my ex husband and he suggested you call the courthouse and ask a clerk of court if there's anything you can file to extend your time there. In PA, people on ssi and/or other disability income are allowed more time to get moved. But that's the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. Either way, your county court's clerks would know if there's a law to protect you, what you need to file and what costs are involved.

Also, if you're able to actually manage your own money effectively and your doctor agrees, (but still determines you to be unable to work, and he puts it in writing)you don't have to have a representative payee. I know that's another challenge for another day but keep it in mind for now.

Also, if you have any other friend or relative you trust well enough to let you have more participation in your money affairs, ask them to be your rep payee. You can choose anybody you want to be your rep payee, unless your mom has power of attorney over you.

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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by Corannhena on Thu May 26, 2016 6:01 pm

She got mad at me this morning because I'd asked my brother for help and she's like "Well, he's not gonna help us [move]!" She also tried to manipulate me ("You can go live with your dad, or by yourself, and I'll just live out on the street"). She also tried to manipulate me into saying no, or changing my mind, when she asked (sarcastically I think) if I wanted to live on my own ("Wouldn't you be lonely?" Not really, I have Loki and co., although I didn't tell her that, I just said I like being alone which is true. "Wouldn't you miss Sophie [our dog]?" Yeah, but lots of people have to leave behind family pets when they move out. Plus, she had a dog when she moved from her parents' house.) I'm actually surprised she didn't pull the "I won't have anyone to talk to" routine, which she nearly always does when the subject of my moving out happens to come up. She's emotionally abusive and manipulative and ALWAYS thinks of herself as the victim. ("Your brother helps his dad [financially] but he won't help his mother!") She also told me not to go to my dad's until she heard back from her case worker that she emailed. Basically she's got me on a chain and I have a nail file to saw through it.
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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by Just.Christine on Fri May 27, 2016 12:26 am

Oh man...
My mom was one of those manipulative guilt trippers. I know what that's like.

The bottom line is that you need to do what's best for you, which I know from experience, can be difficult.

I just don't understand why your mom is dragging her heels getting moved. Doesn't she care about her piano if nothing else?
Doesn't she sense the urgency? Sad
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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by Corannhena on Fri May 27, 2016 3:09 am

She does, and she says she's been emailing places but they haven't been getting back to her, or only a few have but their weight restrictions on dogs are too low (or they have breed restrictions).

edit: Loki's told me it's possible to leave my mom, although I'm not sure how given our current situation. I'm not sure if her case worker's emailed her back, though, she hasn't said anything.
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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by bsa on Fri May 27, 2016 6:29 am

How to leave your mother, you organise what you yourself want and what you are doing, then, choose your own way to say,see you round, goodbyee yahpoo toodle-oo goodbyee, and remember what she does for herself is up to her, not you, you dont have to worry about it, Just a thought

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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by Corannhena on Fri May 27, 2016 7:03 am

Update: case worker emailed her back and gave her a number to call. She says she'll call it first thing in the morning. I don't know if it's bad that part of me is hoping they won't be able to help, because then I'd pretty much have to go to my dad's (her protests notwithstanding).
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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by erinlale on Tue May 31, 2016 12:03 pm

cyberhug.
If nothing else works, go to a shelter. They usually have waiting lists and certainly won't take any kind of dog, but just going will show you are serious and you might be able to reach a different social worker-- one who will help YOU not your mom.

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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by Corannhena on Wed Jun 01, 2016 3:01 am

I ended up moving (temporarily) to my dad's house. It's WAY less stressful here (although I had to leave some things behind, a few of which I regret doing [e.g. my tea kettle] and I forgot a few things that I wanted to take [e.g. my favorite hat]) :p Dunno what mom is going to do, today (the 31st) was the last day she was supposed to have moved out herself. I'm going to look for maybe a studio apartment for myself, I really don't want to move back in with her, if/when she finds a place. Loki and co. really wanted me to get out of there, they've indicated.
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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by erinlale on Wed Jun 01, 2016 11:54 pm

Glad you got away from her. I hope you can manage to stay away.

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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by Just.Christine on Thu Jun 02, 2016 11:12 am

I'm glad you're out of that situation even if it's temporary you have mental resources now that you have less stress. Now you can plan for the future better. Any low income housing in your area in safe neighborhoods? People on disability can get on lists for units available only for seniors and the disabled, so they're often in safer neighborhoods instead of crack central.
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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by Elvena on Thu Jun 02, 2016 8:45 pm

Congrats on getting away from a bad situation. I second looking for low income housing if you can.
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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by journeyintoinsanity on Fri Jun 10, 2016 4:07 pm

I'm sorry I only just saw this. I'm glad you're in a safe place now and away from the toxicity. Seems like a lot of folks are getting out of toxic situations, and not without it being an absolute pain to deal with. Hugs...
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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by Corannhena on Fri Jun 10, 2016 10:50 pm

DAMMIT I had a whole friggin' long-ass paragraph typed up and I go to submit it and I hit the dang huge red POST REPLY button instead of the dinky little Send button :/ So now it's gone, pleh. Don't feel like typing it all up again but cliff notes version is that mom had told me on Tuesday night that I needed to have my brother take me back for a court hearing on Friday (today). Wasn't able to tell dad and stepmom about it until Wednesday evening, and said that I wasn't sure if I really had to go, since I've moved out. Dad called the courthouse on Thursday while he was at work and found out (he messaged me on FB) that the hearing had to do with the eviction from the house my mom was renting. My name was on the docket b/c it's still on the lease (or was at the time) but they said that, since I've moved out, the outcome is no longer my concern and that I was not required to be there. So I didn't go. The hearing was earlier today, but I have no idea what the outcome was.
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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by journeyintoinsanity on Sat Jun 11, 2016 7:43 pm

Oh man... :/
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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

Post by Lokakisa on Mon Jun 13, 2016 1:42 pm

My goodness, I pray this all works out.

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Re: Kind of a desperate situation

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