Spiritual crisis...again.

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Spiritual crisis...again.

Post by AzaleaMoon on Sat Jan 09, 2016 4:47 am

So, just having a bad night, I guess. There's been a lot going on lately and I guess I'm just overwhelmed in some areas, and underwhelmed in others.

A friend of mine has been lovely enough to try to set me up with one of her guy friends. I appreciate it, I really do, but tonight its just really messing with my depression and anxiety issues. It's early days yet (I keep telling myself that) but things aren't progressing as quickly as I would like. I'm finding it very hard to determine how he's feeling, whether he's interested or not...I know, I should just talk to him about it. But the thing is neither of us is really that experienced or confident in the area of relationships so I'm having trouble working out how to approach things without coming across as too forward or desperate or whatever.
I just can't help feeling that if he was interested, he'd be putting in a lot more effort. So far we've met in person twice and he's added me on Facebook, but that's it. We barely talk, and the only time we do talk is if I initiate it.
I just feel like this isn't going to go anywhere and I'm wasting my emotional investment and time on this.
I'm so desperate for a relationship though - everyone I know is in one, and yet somehow I'm not worthy of being loved. Probably because I'm not "normal" - physical disability, mental illness etc. People can be so shallow.
He didn't seem bothered by the physical issues when we met (he doesn't know about the mental/emotional stuff), but I have to wonder if its becoming a barrier now.

I've only had one serious relationship in my life (I'm 27) and that ended horribly. My ex is the main reason I have so many doubts about whether or not I'm even worthy of being loved. We knew eachother for 3 years and were together for 3 months before he decided to end it, and now we have nothing to do with each other because he turned out to be a cruel, vile person. After we split he went back to the girl he dated before me (that went horribly the first time, not sure why he thought it would work the second time - surprise, it didn't.)

Today, all I've been doing is lying in bed crying and begging - yes, begging - for a sign that the gods are real and that I'm even remotely worthy of their attention and guidance, and I'm getting nothing in response. No signs, no vibes, can't focus during meditation, nothing.  

I considered asking Freyja for help with the relationship thing, but I'm not sure if She'll even answer me.
I just feel like...why do I even try believing in anything anymore?

Not sure why I'm even posting this. Maybe for reassurance? Advice? I don't know.
Sorry, I'll stop rambling now.

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Re: Spiritual crisis...again.

Post by njm on Sat Jan 09, 2016 5:25 pm

Of course you are worthy of love *hugs*

I'm not the best person to give relationship advice (I had two short flings, then ended up marrying my first serious boyfriend), so maybe the others can weigh in more there.

I can say, though, that I had the same anxiety when I first met hubby. I was in Australia on holiday. I was serious about him, but for ages I didn't know how he felt and it made me uneasy and worried (not least because I needed to make a decision on staying in Australia or going home as planned). So, that, I can say, is normal, and guys tend to be a little more reticent about coming forward with their feelings. Perhaps his lack of communication is shyness not disinterest.

Sorry I can't offer anything more definite, but I hope that helps a little.

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Re: Spiritual crisis...again.

Post by journeyintoinsanity on Sat Jan 09, 2016 5:30 pm

You are definitely worthy of love.  Never doubt that.  Not for a second.  I'm in my third marriage (I'm 37) and when it started to unravel, I thought I could just stay put for our daughter. I mean, this is my third attempt at marriage and it's failing.  I tried to suck it up and stay the course and see if it would get any better over the past 2 years, but it didn't.  And now it's time to let it go for something better.  That 'something better' is standing on my own two feet and supporting myself and my daughter while standing beside someone who is my soul's mate. He and I only just recently found one another.  So, look at how long it took me!  I'm pushing 40 and I got it wrong A LOT!

Yes, the Gods are real.  I had a period of doubting everything, too.  More than once, to be honest.  But that question is something you'll have to find the answer for yourself, and not just take somebody else's word for it.  I hope you're feeling better.  <3
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Re: Spiritual crisis...again.

Post by AzaleaMoon on Sat Jan 09, 2016 7:00 pm

Thanks, feeling a bit better today. I'll need to have a chat with the friend that introduced us, see if he's said anything to her about how he's feeling.

Now I feel guilty about doubting the Gods (this happens a lot with me, I doubt Them and then feel like a bad devotee afterwards), maybe I should do something special for Them. I had been doing devotional drawings recently but stopped (partly because I couldn't figure out what pose I wanted for a certain trickster God lol) should get back into that.

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Re: Spiritual crisis...again.

Post by erinlale on Sat Jan 09, 2016 8:00 pm

If you want Freya's attention and don't already have a relationship with her, try giving her roses or something rose scented or flavored and see if she shows up and then take the relationship from there. Just remember she is ALSO a goddess of war. And that lots of people want something from her. And that any relationship with any god can lead in unpredictable directions.

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Re: Spiritual crisis...again.

Post by Corannhena on Sat Jan 09, 2016 8:16 pm

Regarding signs, here's a few tips that may (or may not) be helpful:

Don't just say "give me a sign". If you do that then either a. you'll see signs where there are actually none or b. you won't know what to look for. When I was in my sign-asking... "phase" (I can't really think of a better word rn) I always asked for something specific (e.g. "I want to see [thing]"). Said thing may or may not be in the form you expect (e.g. I once said to Loki that I wanted to see a goldfinch, since I hadn't seen one since we moved out of the previous house we'd lived in. I neglected to specify, however, that I wanted to see an actual bird, and a few days later I was on the internet and came across a banner ad for a book. The title? The Goldfinch). It's also better to ask to see things you don't normally see around your area, or haven't seen in a very long time. Also: keep an eye out for whatever you ask for but don't actively look for it, e.g. if you ask to see an apple, it doesn't count if you go into the produce section of the grocery store or do a GIS for "apples". (That being said, if you do a GIS for something completely different and there happens to be an apple among the pics, that would probably count. Probably.)

bleh I hope this made sense, I only got like three hours of sleep this morning :/ Also re: the doubt thing, yeah, I have definitely had that before. I hate it.
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Re: Spiritual crisis...again.

Post by AzaleaMoon on Sat Jan 09, 2016 11:03 pm

Thanks again everyone for your comments.

In regards to signs, what I was wanting at the time was just a sign of their presence (temperature change in the room or something to that effect). When I didn't notice anything, I felt even more alone, which made me start doubting. I guess I've read way too many things about people receiving comforting touches etc when they were upset, that I felt "unworthy" when I didn't get that.
All down to perception and personal relationship with the Gods/Goddesses, I suppose.

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Re: Spiritual crisis...again.

Post by Just.Christine on Thu Jan 14, 2016 10:11 pm

I'm afraid I'm not qualified to offer helpful suggestions in the romance department. Even my god marriage is on the rocks right now.

I understand about the faith issues too. One day I can feel confident and solid in my belief of something and then a week later? Doubt rears its ugly, pimply head.

The best suggestion I can offer is to take shelter in your friends. And in this forum, too. A thing will only manifest or pass out of manifestation when it does, and no amount of trying to influence it to move faster will work.

This whole past year has been a merciless series of loss and ordeal. I finally have an apartment of my own and the old year fizzled out pitifully like air out of a!balloon. I can relax more and get more done, I suppose, but a desk to work at would be great.

I hope your spiritual funk passes soon!
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Re: Spiritual crisis...again.

Post by Darkamber on Tue Jan 19, 2016 3:37 am

While I've had more than enough proof that the gods are real, I sometimes doubt that Loki wants to be as close to me as He once was. Then I ask for a sign, like a touch, but I'm not always getting it. So I'm currently struggling with not knowing if Loki still wants me or not.
Sometimes all we can do is hold on to faith.

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Re: Spiritual crisis...again.

Post by AzaleaMoon on Tue Jan 19, 2016 4:51 am

Thanks everyone. Things are improving here, still not as good as I would like it to be but that'll take work and effort on my part.

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Re: Spiritual crisis...again.

Post by Moon Rouge on Tue Jan 19, 2016 9:17 am

First time Loki was absent, for unusually long, a month I think, I got unbearable and somewhat unreal physical pains when I was thinking of Him. I felt like I'm melting from inside, my body felt like a frame with a huge hole.
After this, when Loki came back, He tells me ahead if He will be not around for longer than a day or two, and sometimes He gives an advice what to hold on. It is not easy, but it helps, coming from Himself.
Still, as Darkamber says, the faith is often all we have to hold on.
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Re: Spiritual crisis...again.

Post by Lokakisa on Wed Jan 20, 2016 9:12 am

I wish I had something happy and advice-worthy to say ... I find myself avoiding the forum sometimes, today I forced myself onto it for reassurance as doubt it rearing its big ol' ulgy head right now.
I have begged and pleaded with Loki and my spirits to take away my suffering and give me some comfort (and I'm specific in what I ask for) and I get nothing. I start to doubt Loki is around, or that He likes me at all, and I think that our whole relationship is just a fantasy based on a lie.
So I know it sucks on so many levels to feel that way, even moreso to derail your thread with my own problems lol but it's just to let you know we're all human and it happens to everybody. ;p
Maybe there's some lesson in this, to find our own strength ... maybe there are just some things Loki's hands are tied from helping with, I don't know.

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Re: Spiritual crisis...again.

Post by journeyintoinsanity on Thu Jan 21, 2016 1:19 pm

It does happen. To all of us. <3
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Re: Spiritual crisis...again.

Post by AzaleaMoon on Fri Feb 12, 2016 11:55 pm

Thanks guys. Sorry I haven't been around for a while.

Long story short, things didn't work out with the guy. He's nice enough but it just wasn't going anywhere. Also found out recently that he may or may not be friends with my ex (saw them in a group photo together on Facebook) so not sure if I even want to maintain contact there. Like I said he's nice enough but if it turns out they do know each other that would be a bad situation for me to put myself in.

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Re: Spiritual crisis...again.

Post by Just.Christine on Sat Feb 13, 2016 1:03 am

Ugh! Seems both of us are on the stinky end of the romance o meter.
I'll just try to maintain the attitude that something better awaits if we don't get what we'd prefer this time around.

Just once I'd like my wants and needs to match up with the Gods and universe want for me. Then it could be win-win vs. limp, noddleish disappointment.
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