" How Do You Survive Fallow Time?"

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" How Do You Survive Fallow Time?"

Post by Darkamber on Mon Jun 01, 2015 4:11 am

Fallow time- that wonderful period of time that finds almost all of us at some point in time in our life- regardless of religious preferences or practices. For those of you who are new to fallow time, it’s a term that many of us use to describe a low point in our religious practices. Fallow usually is signified by a lack of the god’s presence, a lack of enthusiasm for rites, research or other religious projects, and a overall blase feeling in regards to anything spiritual.

It’s kinda like religious depression.

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Re: " How Do You Survive Fallow Time?"

Post by Just.Christine on Mon Jun 01, 2015 4:54 am

I've experimented with many different religious and spiritual paths so I've had lots of different fallow times.
With Christianity I think what I did-mostly on an unconscious level-was sabotage my spirituality by sinning, avoiding church, getting myself into trouble and becoming a 'lost sheep'. I would get into a crisis predicament and then call and wail for god to help me. He would and that always brought back the feeling of newness. Not very mature to be sure. Of course my Christian relationship with the Heavenly Father was dysfunctional because as someone who's been sexually abused I had a very difficult time not hating fathers or God, the Father. I had no trust in him because he was male. Although Jesus was male and I trusted and loved him implicitly. But in my religion, you didn't pray 'to' Jesus, you pray to the Father through Jesus as mediator. I think it's quite different with Catholics though because they pray to saints and Jesus and Mary and aside from their dark and evil aspects, their approach to devotion and ritual is more to the liking of people who need rites. Of course most Catholic rites are ripped from pagan rites and adapted.

When I got into Mystic Christianity, I spent the better part of a decade practicing their exercises and weekly healing prayer meetings for people who request aid. I got very discouraged during those fallow times. I wasn't going to a church most of the time unless a Mormon friend would drag me to church. I was always glad she did and damn, sometimes I think it would be so much easier and simpler if I could just be a good Mormon. I like their church, I like most of their basic doctrines and I love the people. People run them down but as far as spirituality goes, they're one of the more healthy organizations. I'm sure some people have bad experiences with them, and think their weird temple rites are traumatizing but they're no more traumatizing-and far less traumatizing-than some pagan rites which might involve being naked and bound and blindfolded.

I guess spiritually I've been very fickle in a lot of ways. I was never a very good Christian in the sense of being church-y but I think I was a better Christian than a lot of church-y people who had no real clue of the very, very simple and easy things Jesus asked for.

When I had fallow times with Rosicrucianism [mystic Christianity]I just quit doing the exercises because they became tedious and very boring. Sticking with things is very difficult for me. I can reach the point of outright panic if I get bored or too fallow in any area of my life.

I'm sure I will have fallow times with my Pagan practice too. Thank gods, there's nothing I'm really required to do, no doctrine to adhere to aside from the Rede and honoring my oaths. I can manage that much during fallow times. This religious experience has been different from the others in one distinct way: I've never had a spirit spouse in any of the other religious/spiritual practices. I think this will make a difference in keeping me interested. And I'm sure there will come a time when Odin just isn't around like he is now. All I can say about that is that for the past 15 years he has been with me even though I didn't know for most of that time for sure that I had an actual entity sharing headspace. But he was there. I became aware he was an actual separate entity about 6 years ago and not 'just' the animus. All that time I wasn't pagan or actively Rosicrucian or anything. But he was there. So I'll just have to trust to that and also I'm really tired of being scared of everything like I've been all my life.

So basically, when I have fallow times I won't do anything. I'll just wait. Not even wait because waiting can be an activity too. An expectancy for something to change. I guess whatever happens happens and life is going to do what life is going to do whether I like it or not. And I don't like it but what can I do about a thing like that? Nothing.
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Re: " How Do You Survive Fallow Time?"

Post by LokeanPope on Tue Jul 21, 2015 3:46 pm

My fallow times are usually ripe for learning and/or remembering the basics. It's also a time to focus on taking care of my physical self and "
real-world"
needs. I am always working on patience as a virtue;
I'm more patient that most people I know but I can always learn more of it. I invest my patience in knowing/remembering that Loki and the Others I have a relationship with are always thinking about me somewhere in their vast galaxies, and its going to be okay if that requires them to hold their tongues. I get gag-ordered as a shaman (when I learn a thing the querent wants to know but I am forbidden to tell them - can sometimes present as actual gagging, as though if I said it I would vomit. They can be gag-ordered too, even if their gag is self-imposed.

I invest in gifts of service. I look for people in need and invest in making their lives better if I can. THis can mean anything from volunteering for a nonprofit, offering free pastoral care or divination, writing essays (and eventually the book, too), or just sending emails to my friends asking about their lives.

I'm honest with people about it. From the feedback I've received, many people who read my blog entries where I admit to having my own fallow times and how I deal with them, are grateful to see that even those who have been doing this a long time still experience them. (And they do, but some wouldn't admit it even under torture conditions, because they think it makes them seem weak, or not as important as they make themselves out to be.) It happens to *everyone*.

FInally, I spend the time trying to doing self-care to keep me from reaching burnout. I take regular blog breaks (where I don't read anything relating to the spiritual), social media breaks, and even electronic device breaks. I sleep more. I eat grounding foods.

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Re: " How Do You Survive Fallow Time?"

Post by Just.Christine on Tue Jul 21, 2015 7:17 pm

It's been well over my year and a day of learning before making a commitment or dedication to Heathenism. Since I lack an actual day when I decided in my heart to pursue the path, I simply chose Sept. 1 to be my year and a day.

I haven't really had many fallow times since my last reply but then again I've been harried by too many other meat space problems and ordeals.

I've had a couple times of spiritual inactivity that freaked me out a bit. I felt like I was grasping and flailing around in a panic, "
Odin! Where are you? Don't leave me!"
sort of thing. Issues... He's been connected to me in a very intimate and physical way for almost 15 years so when part of your own soul takes a sabbatical it can be frightening. Of course this only happened AFTER I learned his identity.

So, when things are quiet I just read lore, get mental rest, tinker with the mundane parts of the forum, read for pleasure, and just generally enjoy time fucking off, lol.
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Re: " How Do You Survive Fallow Time?"

Post by Darkamber on Wed Jul 22, 2015 1:36 am

LokeanPope wrote:I'm honest with people about it. From the feedback I've received, many people who read my blog entries where I admit to having my own fallow times and how I deal with them, are grateful to see that even those who have been doing this a long time still experience them.

What is the URL to your blog?

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Re: " How Do You Survive Fallow Time?"

Post by Moon Rouge on Wed Jul 22, 2015 2:05 am

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Re: " How Do You Survive Fallow Time?"

Post by journeyintoinsanity on Fri Jul 24, 2015 9:41 am

LokeanPope wrote:
I'm honest with people about it. From the feedback I've received, many people who read my blog entries where I admit to having my own fallow times and how I deal with them, are grateful to see that even those who have been doing this a long time still experience them. (And they do, but some wouldn't admit it even under torture conditions, because they think it makes them seem weak, or not as important as they make themselves out to be.) It happens to *everyone*.

It sure sucked for me. I had one right after a really scary time, which is why I'm so big on warding and protection. Almost to the point of paranoia...
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Re: " How Do You Survive Fallow Time?"

Post by Lokakisa on Mon Jul 27, 2015 8:45 am

I think I'm going through one of those fallow times right now. I mean I am seriously questioning why I even stay pagan. I was having some really negative thoughts about religion today and even considered becoming Satanist (which is not the same as Luciferian).
I got caught up with "
The Hobbit"
movie trilogy over the weekend, and it really sent me on a bad spiral of things that would be offensive if I said them out loud.
I'd been thinking that maybe I should've stayed blissfully unaware as Kemetic Orthodox but even that has its problems.
We've talked about "
interfering entities"
here before, sometimes I wonder is it just me or is there some reason I feel this way out of the blue sometimes?
I get told things I need to hear (or maybe I'm getting told what I *want* to hear) through divinations ... and I'm addicted to them because the spirits don't talk to me.
Do you know almost every day I look out the window, hoping to see something mystical out in the backyard? Where are my homies, the landwights? Where are the elves, the fairies, the brownies, the whoever?
And of course, where is Loki? The other day when I was lying on the couch not feeling well, I felt a strange warm sensation on my hand. I'd like to believe it was Him.
I regret all the money I spent. I feel like I've been scammed. I was so desperate to believe in something.
I'm really flailing around, not knowing what I should be doing. Should I pursue Druidism? Should I buy books on Norse magic? Would I understand things better? Maybe I should contract with a demon 'cause shit ain't happening ...
I hoard and collect things like crazy (book, spiritual supplies, craft supplies) but I spend so much time being sick that it's pointless to pursue anything. Not a day goes by that I don't consider scrapping my blog and selling off everything.
I'm more selective about the blogs I read I now, and more skeptical (well even more than I was to begin with), but it hasn't stopped me from being angry and frustrated and jealous.
Gods damnit Loki, there better be a reason for this shit. My patience has run out. (And guess what message I tend to get in divinations - "
give it time"
;
p )

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Re: " How Do You Survive Fallow Time?"

Post by Moon Rouge on Mon Jul 27, 2015 9:44 am

Kisa, to get out of divinations which are not coming to true is one very good step. You can do some yourself time to time. Do one to three cards or stones only, don't do more for sometime than that. Do not look for miracle, learn to read just what the day may brings or how to react shit what may get down. Learn what you see in divination and what happens. Try to understand it when you read it and then again after the day is over.
Trust what you yourself seen and what you felt before. Something brought you to Loki, this is where you have to start, if you want to, of course. The link to connection is somewhere within you. I don't want to talk about my shit, this is about you, but by research and my own experience every mystic goes through their own private hell.
But there is more than that.
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Re: " How Do You Survive Fallow Time?"

Post by Lokakisa on Mon Jul 27, 2015 10:54 am

*nod nod* Hm yeah, I should try to do a daily or weekly thing and learn on my own.

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Re: " How Do You Survive Fallow Time?"

Post by Just.Christine on Mon Jul 27, 2015 12:09 pm

Kisa, perhaps you need to give your mind a rest.
I know it's discouraging when faith feels pointless, but it's exactly when you feel that way that faith is being exercised.
Perhaps replace the mental uncertainty with physical activity, like a craft of some sort. Even cleaning up your sacred spaces might help. Wash your altar dishes and other altar tools. Rearrange it a bit.
Maybe lose yourself in a nice, thick book for some good old-fashioned escapism.
I hope your spirital life springs back soon!
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Re: " How Do You Survive Fallow Time?"

Post by Lokakisa on Mon Jul 27, 2015 1:03 pm

I'm a Virgo, my mind does not rest. ;
p I spend too much time horizontal, and not for the fun reason. lol
I was actually hoping that the Hobbit movies would help boost my spirituality. Ah well. I finally got my Thranduil fix after seeing memes around the 'net. That man could read the phone book and I'd be enthralled. ;
p
My current form of escapism is playing FF XIV, as I've mentioned elsewhere. I'm just having a lot of anger today for some reason, and it's not even hormonal. I can't put my finger on it.
You are exactly right though, I really should make the crafts I promised Them. I did at least burn some incense today and say some prayers and apologies, even after all my negativity. I'm going through my blog reader and weeding out stuff too, and trying to get back into more lore and less UPG.

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